Obit. of the supreme
Cavewoman, 35, was found as a "ball of goo" by her neighbor, Laura the magnficent, at 1:10pm EST.
Known to her friends as "The Lightning Lady", "The Snake Lady", and in some circles as a shrimp goddess, Ms. woman lived a vibrant and exciting life, travelling the southeast as an environmental educator.
Though she had recently moved to Mississippi, Ms. Woman was adapting well to the new environs, feeling that she had prepared sufficiently for the move by watching, repeatedly, Mississippi Burning, and A Time to Kill. However, no matter how much glistening sweat she noticed on the body of Samuel L. Jackson, or on the magically hot Matthew McConne---something or another--she was not prepared for the bone melting heat provided by the sultrily luscious Mississippi summer.
According to the coroner's report, MS's summer began at 1:00pm. Ms. Woman, enjoying her lunch on the veranda ( of course, where else?), burst into flames at 1:02pm, and proceeded to melt. A few minutes later, her neighbor discovered the goo, and called the police.
Ms. Woman's vivaciousness, irreverence, succulence, and general good-gal-ness will be missed by all. Especially by her students, and by the critters that she was fond of using in her programs. She is survived by two grey stealth kittens, two raccoons who will terribly miss the kitten food on her back porch, and a sweet and wonderful boyfriend who shall now have to console himself by watching b-grade sci-fi movies "in order to remember her by".