Inverted Crescent

One Woman's Journey Over the Moon and Beyond

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

navel gazing in one end and out another

It's a wonderfully rainy evening and I have survived a workshop, eaten deliciously fried squash fritters, and am currently imbibing a glass of red wine.

Life is good.

My garden is looking strange as the early tomato plants are fading, and the new basil and tomatoes are nowhere near grown-up enough to look productive. Give them time and they'll be fine though. I know it.

Somewhere within the almost year that I've been married, my fat kitty has gotten quite used to my husband's dog and I am suprised and happy simultaneously about this new and equitable arrangement at which they have arrived. The peace between them in the house is remarkable.

Now, if only I could get my lazy butt up enough to exercise I think I would be "getting somewhere." (:

My grief over my mother's death is becoming manageable. Each day is a bit better, and I do not find myself sulking over all the things that I cannot have with her.
I focus instead on what is ahead, and where I am.

Life is about the present moment. The older I get, the more certain of that I am.

If my present self could write a letter to my past self, it would say "go visit her more". Definitely.

I lament that I will never asked her how she makes her famous banana pudding, or bothered to learn exactly how the christmas chicken and dressing was made. Things that I would have gotten around to, if there was more time spent with her.
These food staples of every christmas I have ever had are lost to me.
However------the important thing about my christmas celebration will be bringing the family together.

Through her death, I have become my small family's matriarch. I find it exceedingly strange that a woman who does not want children ends up being the one who tries to maintain these family bonds.

What's next?

Work things mainly.
I've developed a wonderful focus for work that I haven't had before.
My opinion is saught out, and I am looked to as a mentor.
I have greater clarity about the purpose of my teaching, and about where it will take me and my students.

I wish I could really blog about my work; but for all the reasons any self-aware blogger is cogniscent of, I shouldn't.

What can I say? That my students are awesome---that they are becoming very aware of their place in the universe and their role in it, and that, if I do my job well---this will be a much better place to live for many` many reasons.


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