What I Learned on Saturday

I received a phone call from the landlord of my storage unit on Saturday who informed me that “something was leaking from my unit into the next” and that I needed to come and investigate the situation.
Right.
Got it.

So, after inventorying the place, I learned a few things:

1. Freezers, even after they are defrosted, retain a little moisture.
2. Pasta is made of wheat.
3. Some varieties of wheat are the basis for beer.
4. Sugar is a mighty fine fermentation fuel.
5. Left to their own devices, moisture, sugar and pasta make a weirdly bastardized beer.
6. Left to dehydrate for a prolonged period. Oh, let’s say... a few MONTHS… such a beer can turn into a taffy-like shellac.
7. It takes a really long time to clean taffy-like shellac.
8. Said shellac also acts as a fine adhesive.
9. Shoes stick to adhesive.
10. So do shovels.
11. And dustpans.
12. And putty knives.
13. Remembering your chemistry classes when confronted with said shellac really
does help. (Water dissolves sugar.)
14. The only way to effectively rid a previously “thought-to-be” dry freezer of the
bastardized sweet smelling beer is to take it to a car wash.
15. Surprisingly, it didn’t smell as badly as you thought it might.
16. Freezers really are as heavy as you think they are.
17. It is super-important when carrying around a fermentation-filled freezer on its
way to the car wash to have the truck filled with gas.
18. Don’t drive quickly when you have a freezer in the back of your open-bed
pick-up truck.
19. Husbands of soul-sisters are awfully nice.
20. Single Malt Scotch may be a good Christmas thank-you for a super-nice brother-in law.


Moral of the Story: ALWAYS towel dry your freezers after a good de-frosting, and never store anything in them, even if it is a supposed “dry good” OH, and know where your local package store is, too. AMEN.